Saturday, May 12, 2007

Message Board Poster Quits DC Comics Forever

Disgusted by a recent plot development in a comic book, a message board poster has decided to inform DC comics of his decision to stop buying their product forever via a message board post.

Posted at 11.30 last night by "Batdude378" under a new thread titled "DC has disappointed me for the last time" the post began, "Dear Dan Didio, I am writing to inform you that the sheer and utter contempt you show to all your fans has caused me to completely drop all of your books for all of eternity!"

"I've felt this way for some time," the message continued, "ever since the end of Infinite Crisis sucked worse than Greedo shooting first in SW:ANH SE. But your recent decision to kill off Terra, the best comic book character ever, has pushed me over the edge. I've decided to not ever buy any of your comic books ever again because it is clear by this spit in the face to us Terra fans that you despise anyone who has ever read any of your comics ever."

"Goodbye forever," the message ended. "You just lost a customer with your spiteful hateful arrogance."

Batdude378: quite angry

Batdude378, or Ryan O'Neal as he is more commonly known defended his actions this morning.

"I know DC owns the character and everything but I own nearly every comic Terra has appeared in," Mr. O'Neal said. "Considering my emotional investment in the character, DC totally owes it to me to keep producing her adventures on a regular basis. Preferably in stories similar to the Terra fan-fiction I've been posting on my Terra website for the last five years," he added.

"Clearly Dan Didio is mad with power and purposely killed Terra off to spite us Terra fans," O'Neal concluded. "I just hope this will teach DC a lesson. Maybe in the future they'll start treating us fans with a bit of respect by writing exactly what we want them to write."

This message has sent DC's editorial staff into a state of shock.

"We knew that not everything we printed was an instant classic," said DC editor Toby Keith. "But we never realized that killing off a z-grade character from a bunch of failed comics in the early nineties could cause some random irrationally angry guy on the Internet to stop buying all of our products!"

"We already have Geoff Johns working on Terra's return and maybe even an ongoing. We didn't think there was much interest in the character but if not giving her her own comic will cost us a single customer then we have no other choice."

DC executive editor Dan Didio provided further details of DC's response to this nighmarish situation.

"We're currently heavily in damage control mode," said Dan Didio slumped across his office desk, looking haggard and tired. "Right now we have three guys pouring over Batguy378's other message board posts. A few minutes ago they found a couple of posts about how he didn't like Superman and Lois Lane's marriage so we're seeing what we can do about that."

"What spooked me the most though," said Didio, rubbing his eyes wearily, "was his reference to Infinite Crisis. I mean, that thing came out like over a year ago...I didn't know it was still influencing people's buying habits. We've just decided to re-release it in a new trade. And we've hired Grant Morrison to ensure that the new ending will be subjectively superior to that scene in Star Wars where Greedo shoots first."

But it looks like the nighmare is set to continue. "The guy said he was going to stop buying DC comics for all eternity so I don't know what else we can do to convince him to come back. This message board post will forever change the way DC does business," Dan Didio said with a heavy sigh.


Nate said...

Bring back Vibe while yer at it!

Blockade Boy said...

Now if we can only get the major networks to recast and reshoot their sitcoms according to majority opinion at Television Without Pity, the world will be a beautiful place.

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I'm currently drafting a message board post that will get the "Let's haul-ass to Hollopalooza" ending tacked onto the final episode of the Sopranos!

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