Monday, July 2, 2007

"Brad Meltzer" an Elaborate DC Hoax

DC has sent shock waves through the industry after revealing that their high profile writer “Brad Meltzer” is actually a sophisticated computer program.

Affectionately named after a trashy novelist Judd Winick happened to be reading at the time, the computer program was constructed after Dan Didio discovered that there was a formula to producing a successful comic book.

“Basically we put together a focus group and discovered that what readers want from their comics are superheroes standing around their headquarters referring to each other by their first names, endless confusing flashbacks to stories printed in the eighties and ham-fisted attempts to appear more adult by ramping up the sex and violence,” Dan Didio reveals. “When I saw the results I was like, we shouldn’t have to pay someone to write that crap.”

The Real Brad Meltzer

In the wake of this revelation, Dan Didio set about finding a cost effective way of producing these comics.

“Originally I was just going to pay a few Illegal immigrants to read some old eighties comics then re-write them with more references to rape and stuff,” Didio explains. “But then Greg Rucka reminded me that computers were officially the new illegal immigrants because I didn’t have to pay them fifty cents an hour.”

In the wake of a sellout run on JLA, Dan Didio acknowledges that the experiment has worked out better than he could have dreamed.

“At times I was a bit apprehensive…when I saw that its line up of the Justice League included Vixen, Speedy and goddamn Geo Force I wondered if we were pushing it a bit. I mean, who’s going to read that crap! One hundred thousand people a month apparently.”

But Dan Didio stresses that the computer program isn’t infallible.

“Just the other day, ‘Brad Meltzer’ spat out an issue of JLA that I could understand without the aid of Wikipedia,” Didio said. “I made it re-write it and it printed out a new script with 47% more references to some obscure 1980s issue of Batman and the Outsiders.”

While Dan Didio appreciates the success of the “Brad Meltzer” computer experiment, he is relieved that the cat is finally out of the bag.

“I was having a hard time keeping it all secret. For example, at a comic convention just a few weeks ago, some guy came up to me and told me that Brad Meltzer’s JLA was the best comic he’d ever read. I almost fucking lost it!” Dan Didio said, chuckling.

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