Sunday, April 29, 2007

Gays Don't Belong in Comics says Angry Consumer

A light hearted trip to the local comic book store turned sour for Jim Healy of Skunkspray, Illinois when it was discovered that his purchase, a Young Avengers trade paperback was pushing a "liberal, homosexual agenda".

"I was just sitting at home, minding my own business, flicking through my recent purchases when I was shocked to discover that the Young Avengers had all sorts of horribly innapropriate sexual content," Healy said. "Basically two male characters Wiccan and Hulking share a chaste kiss and refer to each other as partners. It was shocking and revolting!"

"Comics should be for kids," says Jim Healy, pictured with his extensive toy collection.

"Now, I don't have a problem with homosexuality," Healy continued. "Whatever these gays do is fine with me. As long as they do it behind close doors. In another country. Preferably a country I've never heard of. But I don't want it going on in the comic books that I read for entertainment."

But it was the inclusion of such content in what has traditionally been a family friendly company that upset Mr. Healy the most.

"Everyone knows that superhero comic books are meant to be for kids," he said, relaxing in his study, lined wall to wall with figurines and busts of various Marvel characters including a large statue of Ultimate Hulk tearing Ultimate Wolverine in half. "And I don't think they should be expose to this sort of filth. Won't somebody think of the goddamn children?"

Mr. Healy admits that he doesn't have any children himself but can still imagine the sort of questions such a comic book would force a parent to answer.

"How would you have liked it if when you were eight years old your parents had had to tell you that some men enjoy shoving their wee-holes up each others assholes and whipping each other while wearing leather chaps and rubber gags?" he said.

When he registered his complaints on the Marvel based internet message board True Believers, Healy was shocked by the response he got from fellow comic book fans.

"Basically, they were calling me a bigot, which is crazy! I mean, Queen is one of my favourite bands. Also when I watched Philadelphia I didn't vomit once, even when Antonio Banderas flaunted his perverted alternate lifestyle by being sad when Tom Hanks died. So don't go labeling me a homophobe," Healy said.


Alexander Moss said...

Boy, I'm with ya Healy!

I'm still fuming over the horrible molestation of Obsidian over in Manhunter!

Please keep all "fun, creative ideas" out of my comic books please!

Mel Gibson said...

Well, what do you expect from an industry run by Jews?